Scott, 45
When I Found Out:
Got infected on December 1, 1987. Got my results on June 1, 1988. I needed to stop lying about my unsafe sexual behavior and learn to be accountable. I have 136 friends who have died from AIDS.
The biggest challenge I deal with living with HIV:
The awkward silence while watching potential dates lace up their boots and leave my apartment after I tell them I have HIV.
What I've learned from living with HIV:
To stop believing that I am only as good as my health, that the HIV didn't make me big: it showed me how big I have ALWAYS been, that my mother's brisket is the best of anyone's I've ever tasted. That, if I listen carefully in synagogue, I can actually hear my father's voice singing in the choir, even though he passed away four years ago. That instead of asking, "Why did this happen to me?" it is better to ask, "Now that it HAS happened, how can I get through it with integrity, grace, kindness and some humor?" To always use a condom. To write my name in the Book of Life every day, even when life hurts.
Who I thought HIV affected before I learned I was positive:
Anyone who said, "It can't happen to me," and didn't protect themselves. I mostly worry about the teenagers who have the highest SAT scores in the country but cannot name the four fluids that transfer the virus and/or who do not know which is the most vulnerable and exposed mucous membrane in the body.
